Yea, it's been a while again. I can't say that I've been at a complete loss of words because there's Twitter, but any time I've tried to sit down to form some cohesive thoughts on here I get distracted. My office is in utter chaos right now to the point of needing someone to come in to do a Clean Sweep of it. I have hoarding tendencies, which are evident throughout the house so I'm trying to work through those issues. That is to say, when I can get up off the couch. I used to say it was from procrastination, which maybe it is, but I also wonder if part of it is due to depression. Keely posted some similar feeling not that long ago and I meant to write then, but obviously never did.
I realize this is a blog which some use as a medium to spill the contents of their pancreas out for everyone to see, but it's hard to want to share too personal of details on here because that's just how I am. I'm the quiet one in the corner who holds things close to the vest. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve and I use sarcasm and self-deprecation as defense mechanisms. As the AA'ers next door would surely tell me, the first step is admitting you have a problem. I'm not the person who I want to be. I know I have a hell of a lot going for me in the way of a great family, great friends, and great job. I'm smart, funny, and have excellent taste in music (feel free to say the the Stuart Smalley quote in your head right about now), but I know I can be much more.
So by this time because of the photo you might be thinking that I'm about to say that I've given my love to Jesus so he can save me. Sorry, that's not the case and if it where I really shouldn't have illustrated the quote "the task ahead of you is never greater than the power behind you" with a drawing of a man trying to ride a hamster powered bicycle up Mt. Everest where an Ugg wearing Yeti was waiting for him. Not that there is anything wrong with Jesus and doing what he would do. Thing is, I know what I should do, it's just a matter of doing it and I know I have the German stubbornness to do it. I've been trying to make changes that will become habit. I struggle with being consistent with going to the gym and Body Pump class, but I remind myself that if I miss one class, that's not an excuse to skip the entire week. Instead, I set 3 tasks for me to do when I first get home. I'm making better choices when I go grocery shopping and try not to give into the urges (mmmm, Oreos), although after having Brussels sprouts as my vege at dinner tonight I kinda feel like I deserve a cookie. For me it's trying to find a balance. Yes I need to hit the gym, but I also need to clean house, do the laundry, read a book, watch a movie, or spend time with friends - both old and new. Oh, and let's also remember to sleep somewhere in there too.
Sounds like it could be a slight case of depression or something more. Have you tried taking any Depression questionnaire? I say this because I have been there, obviously, and would hate for it to get any worse for you.
Sometimes just writing it out is the catalyst you need to do something to make a change. I think you are fabulous and wish we lived closer to each other. Someday. :)
I hope things are okay. I commented you and questioned where you were and then was promptly faced with some icky life stuff that made me ignore the internet for a while. So what I'm getting at is I'm late seeing your post about where you've been. I hate that you're going through all of that...the blues are no fun. Maybe go talk to someone?
